Thursday, April 24, 2008

Aber-Obama & Fitch?

Aber-Obama and Fitch? Damn, CNN, even we don't have the gall to let a pun that insidious seep on to the webs. Maybe if you didn't spend so much time trying to make plays on words you wouldn't have been scooped by TV on the Internets.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Fall On Boy

With Conan O'Brien scheduled to take over Jay Leno's post at the tonight show next year, NBC has begun in earnest its search for the heir to Conan's desk and swivel chair. The odds on favorite at the moment is SNL alum Jimmy Fallon, who enjoyed a stint of popularity culminating in performances as host of the MTV Video Music Awards in the late '90s (see below). Since then it's been more laid back for Fallon whose music and film career quickly fizzled after signing off for the last time behind the Weekend Update desk.

Though seemingly arbitrary, NBC's decision to put Fallon on the Late Night short list actually stems from the comic's apparent proficiency in the field. During David Letterman's health related leave of absence following invasive heart surgery, Fallon assumed hosting duties and demonstrated a talk show savvy intuition and sense of timing.

NBC's consideration of Fallon as the follow-up to Conan the Contrarian didn't initially excite Late Night fans. Support has been mounting, however, since the media has floated Dane Cook and Carson Daley as other possible candidates. No word yet as to whether Fallon will bring along as his rotund and amicable sidekick fellow SNL graduate, Horatio Sanz, who with Fallon perfected the smug on-air crackup that became the duo's signature hook and probably more notorious than any of their other recurring SNL characters, such as Hampshire College students Jarret and Gobi, Nick Burns, your company computer guy, and the Leather Man. The opportunity may be hard to pass up, though, considering the already established similarities between Paul Schaffer and Sanz's impression of Sir Elton John.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Summuna Fitch

Obama may have lost the Pennsylvania primary but he apparently made up for his lackluster performance among the over 60 crowd with big pull in the mall demographic.

Can someone please tell the Obama campaign to do a better job of selecting the bodies to populate his backdrop during his concession speeches? Nothing inspires less confidence than a campaign leadership obtuse enough to put Barrack Obama in front of 3 white dudes wearing tee shirts from Abercrombie & Fitch, a clothing retailer once involved in a class action law suit for discriminating against Asian and African American job applicants.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

CNN, C-riously?

Superbowl XLII proved that over-hyped, live television sporting events are still the best way to congregate eyeballs. CNN is apparently picking up on that strategy and priming viewers for the closest thing basic cable can offer as a comparison to big-level sports - Roger Clemens testifying live before congress about what he did or did not put into his butt.

Monday, January 28, 2008


Celebrate Pres. Bush's final State of the Union Address and the beginning of countdown to Obamageddon tonight by joining TV on the INTERNETS in our 6th annual Annheiser Bush State of the Union Drinking Game.

We usually draw up our own elaborate rules involving teams and archetypes (examples: The formerly liberal but increasingly conservative as he considers a mortgage on a condo in Brooklyn Columbia Law student; the jaded minority that keeps trying to flip the channel to NBA basketball), but the event kind of snuck up on us this year so we're just going to link to some other dude's rules that we're going to use and spice up with some stereotypes (if the President refers to Israel as "the Holy Land" take one shot and cheers with a L'Chaim!).

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Baywatch Watch

With the success of American Gladiators, the failure of Bionic Woman and the impending mediocrity of Knight Rider, how far off are we from the most inevitable remake of all time?

The Wire: Season 5, Episode 4 Look-Ahead

Air date: January 27, 2008
Director: Dan Attias
Title: Transition

One whole week is too long to wait for a new episode of The Wire so we here at TV on the INTERNETS have started playing a game where we try to deduce in what direction our monomaniacal leader, David Simon, will take us this Sunday.

The first interesting thing to jump out is the name of Dan Attias, the director of episode 4. Attias is one of TVOTI's favorite TV directors, along with Schlamme and Farino, because of his work on Entourage and one of the greatest episodes of any show last year, Studio 60's Christmas Special.

Second, it seems officer Beatrice "Beadie" Russell will be back. Russell, played by Gone Baby Gone's Amy Ryan, played a prominent role in the Port case of season 2. Her reemergence will most definitely coincide with more face time for Spiros Vandopoulos, played by Paul Ben-Victor. With Sergei back in the story and now Spiros, it seems Sunday will be the time for the infamous Greek to return as well.

Third, the reunion of the masterminds behind the Port smuggling in season 2 must mean Marlo is closer to brokering a deal with them to cut Prop Joe out of the supply side of the game. With Omar back in town, though, can Marlo really afford a two-front war with Omar and the East Side? Maybe Stringer Bell knows how that story ends.

Fourth, Gus' search into the city's real estate dealings with known drug dealers proves fruitful as Fatface Rick, aka Troj Strickland, comes back to join us. Fatface doesn't seem to pop up again later this season so maybe it's just a name drop or potentially a hit. Either way, his story will most likely tie in with Clay Davis' grand jury inquisition, which kicks off in earnest this week and will last through March. Keep an eye out for Tom Townsend playing the only character listed as "Grand Jury Member."

Finally, Michael's mom, played by Shamika Cotton, is back in the picture after losing her boyfriend to Chris and Snoop last year. Michael's in the episode too, fresh off his cameo as Nephew in the Roc Boys video, but no mention of Duq, Nay or Randy. Seems like we'll have to wait a bit longer to see what they and Prezbo have been up to.

The Wire. Season 5. Episode 4. 77 hours and counting.

American Idol 7: I'm Your Angel Edition

TV on the INTERNETS has finally gotten off its high horse and introduced a Department of Alternative Programming here at our NY offices. From here on out TVOTI will no longer subjectively discriminate against reality programming and will allow into its purview of quality entertainment the Fox juggernaurous "American Idol." Why? Because after 7 years we've realized it's pointless to try to hate on a legitimate phenomenon that fulfills the very expectations with which TV was created - to provide disparate people of a unified land a sense of community through shared experience. So let's come together and celebrate American Idol Season 7's South Carolina auditions.

Very few potential winners will come out of the crop shown to us in last night's one hour episode but there definitely were some standouts.

First, there was Oliver Highman. I'm not sure if that's how you officially spell his last name but I prefer Hymen, since it would go better with the whole vaginal vibe of his audition. His wife went into labor; he stunk, etc. An interesting programming choice on the part of American Idol to build an episode-long story arc around a guy who ends up being kind of lame.

Second, Michelle and Jeffrey Lampkin brought the "ow" with an R. Kelly / Celine Dion duet that I didn't even know existed. Jeffrey was kind of good though his head voice fell flat some times and doesn't bode well for his performance of songs that aren't booming ballads. Michelle squeaked through because it would just be too sad to watch them say goodbye right now. Let's wait for that awkward Hollywood cry and embrace for which Sanjaya and his sexy sis set the precedent last year.

Third, last night AI sent some cats home that didn't seem outrageously horrendous in my opinion.

For example, was Lyndsay Goodman that bad?

What about the self-proclaimed "Black Clay Aiken," Rishard? Too gay for American Idol? For reals?

Finally, we here at TV on the INTERNETS think Simon saw into the future and predicted a story line that should provide some drama into the early rounds of Season 7. Will Amy Catharine Flynn live up to her potential as the most hated 16-year-old in the country?

Let's see, a cheerleader that doesn't bone. Yeah, I can't think of a single person that liked that chick in high school.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Brobama: Writing Durrrrty

Yeah, I know, we all got massive broners watching Obama's Iowa Victory Speech on January 3rd but there was more than his affected proselytizing prose that rubbed my rod the wrong way.

First, is a booming baritone vibrato allowed in any public speaking venue outside of a pulpit or a lectern on the Mall?

Second, is a 26-year-old white kid named Jon Favreau really responsible for those bombastic phrases that draw such easy parallels to a white guy doing an impression of a black guy doing an impression of a black guy? Apparently, yes.

As evinced by this January 20th New York Times article everyone and their dad is in love with Obama's broratory skills. What would Obama say, they ask. My answer: Whatever Nixon already has.

Let's take a comparative look at Obama's Iowa Victory Speech from 2008 and Richard Nixon's second Republican nomination acceptance speech in 1972 and see if any similarities immediately jump out.

Nixon: "Speaking in a very personal sense, I express my deep gratitude to this convention for the tribute you have paid to the best campaigner in the Nixon family-my wife Pat. In honoring her, you have honored millions of women in America who have contributed in the past and will contribute in the future so very much to better government in this country."

Obama: "And while I'm at it on thank yous, I think it makes sense for me to thank the love of my life, the rock of the Obama family, the closer on the campaign trail.Give it up for Michelle Obama."

Nixon: "I want to say that you have inspired us with your enthusiasm, with your intelligence, with your dedication at this convention. You have made us realize that this is a year when we can prove the experts' predictions wrong..."

Obama: "You know, they said this day would never come. They said our sights were set too high...But on this January night, at this defining moment in history, you have done what the cynics said we couldn't do."

Nixon: "This Nation proudly calls itself the United States of America. Let us reject any philosophy that would make us the divided people of America.In that spirit, I address you tonight, my fellow Americans, not as a partisan of party, which would divide us, but as a partisan of principles, which can unite us...And I ask you, my fellow Americans, tonight to join us not in a coalition held together only by a desire to gain power. I ask you to join us as members of a new American majority bound together by our common ideals."

Obama: "In lines that stretched around schools and churches, in small towns and in big cities, you came together as Democrats, Republicans and independents, to stand up and say that we are one nation. We are one people...You said the time has come...To end the political strategy that's been all about division, and instead make it about addition. To build a coalition for change that stretches through red states and blue states."

Nixon: "The choice in this election is not between radical change and no change. The choice in this election is between change that works and change that won't work."

Obama: "We're choosing unity over division, and sending a powerful message that change is coming to America."

Nixon: "I ask you, my fellow Americans, to join our new majority not just in the cause of winning an election, but in achieving a hope that mankind has had since the beginning of civilization. Let us build a peace that our children and all the children of the world can enjoy for generations to come."

Obama: "Hope is the bedrock of this nation. The belief that our destiny will not be written for us, but by us, by all those men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is, who have the courage to remake the world as it should be."

Bill Pullman: "We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests...We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!"